piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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