I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize