Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
