Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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