i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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