I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
