hotel room ftw
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
