I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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