i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
