you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
