Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
