All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
