I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
