and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
