I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
