Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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