Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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