i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
