I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
