someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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