Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
