How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
