i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
