Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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