we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
