I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
