how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
