found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
