I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
