At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
