I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
