apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
