What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
