insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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