he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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