My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
