A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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