you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
