did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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