Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
