She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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