the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
