your thong is hanging out like whoa
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
