I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
