He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
