after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
