Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
