how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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