me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
