it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
